JOY TO THE WORLD

repeat the sounding joy
repeat the sounding joy

repeat, repeat
the sounding joy

I celebrate Christmas and have been enjoying preparing for Christmas Eve dinner for 25, the morning after with just the 4 of us and a quick trip to PA visiting with my side of the family for the weekend. I tell you this only because I am now in last minute mode, slightly less enjoyable, and will probably not post for the next week.

Singing Christmas Carols in church uplifts and grounds me at the same time. It is one of my favorite activities of the season. And, you sing previously unknown verses of familiar songs, like this one from "These Three Kings" which nearly brought me to my knees with a sense of hope and glory:

"Heaven sings Alleluia,
Alleluia the Earth replies"

I wish each of you the happiest of holidays, finding the magic in each moment.

photo found on "this is glamorous"

F**K IT!

Shocking, I know.

I jumped on the opportunity to write F double asterisks K when I heard about this book by John Parkin called "f**k it, the Ultimate Spiritual Way." Parkin "argues that saying "F*** It" is a spiritual act, the perfect blend of western expression and eastern ideas of letting go, giving up and finding real freedom by realizing that things don't matter so much."

He has a website and a radio special on Hay House Radio today, Friday, December 19 from 5-6:00pm EST if you want to find out why you should Just Say F**k It! (I believe you can also listen to the recorded show if you miss it live)

"Saying "F**k It" is essentially about relaxing into the flow of life, just as it is" says Parkin, which made me think he could be onto something, so I've been experimenting. For example, I was worried some people might be offended by this post, but then I said "F**k it."
I worry about what other people think way too much which gets in the way of me, just being me.

You've probably heard the expression "what you resist persists" and using his technique can be a quick and easy way to bust out of any resistance you might be holding onto, at least temporarily. I have to say, it felt good when I tried it. So many times life feels like trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. Saying f**k it is just dropping the peg and trusting that life is working out for you, is on your side and moving you in the direction you want to go. That's also called being.

On the heels of the previous post, here are two opportunities to participate in peace:

1. Kissing. When you meet someone under mistletoe, the tradition is to kiss them. We can thank Scandinavians for this wonderfully affectionate tradition. Mistletoe was the plant of peace in Scandinavian antiquity and according to folklore "if enemies met by chance beneath it in a forest, they laid down their arms and maintained a truce until the next day."

2. Ringing bells this Sunday. "Salman Ahmad, guitarist and lead singer of the popular Pakistani rock band Junoon, is a musician on a mission to promote world peace and give a more progressive face to Islam. Now Ahmad has teamed up with Grammy Award–winning artist Melissa Etheridge to record a song for this holiday season titled “Ring the Bells,” which he describes as “a cry for peace and change in a world of war and chaos.” In collaboration with Deepak Chopra's Alliance for a New Humanity, Ahmad and Etheridge have dedicated this Sunday, December 21, as a day for people around the world to take a meditative moment to put the song's title into action." You can watch this video to hear the song and find out more it.

resource: Enlightennext.com

Sign of the Times

One of the many fun things to do in New York City this time of year is to see the window displays at big department stores such as Macy's, Saks Fifth Avenue, Lord and Taylor, Bloomingdale's and Barneys New York. The stores take this tradition very seriously and unveil extravagant, and sometimes magical, scenes in their enormous windows. People line up on the sidewalks and enjoy the free show and the good holiday vibes that you can really feel in the air.

Always inventive and on the cutting edge of culture, Barney's windows this year are a celebration of peace and love and the 50th anniversary of the peace sign. A quick check on wikipedia revealed that the peace sign originated in Britain by the Committee against Nuclear War as the badge for Nuclear Disarmament. It was fun to find out that it was imported into the United States 50 years ago by a student, Philip Altbach, a freshman at the University of Chicago. He traveled to England to meet with British peace groups as a delegate from the Student Peace Union and came back to Chicago with a bag full of peace symbol buttons. It didn't take long for it to catch on and become an international symbol of peace. Can you imagine how cool Philip Altbach must have felt?!

I love the paintings in this window done by middle school students at The East Harlem School:



Seeing this made me wonder about the hand gesture people use for peace, like David Crosby in this photo. Where did that come from? I couldn't find much information about it, but here's a little trivia for you: It is known as the "V sign" and was popularized by Winston Churchill as a sign for victory during World War II, then became popular in the United States during the peace movement of the 1960s. Be very careful using this gesture outside of the United States, especially if your palm is facing inward, it is considered in many countries to be obscene, offensive and insulting - basically like giving the finger.

Next I wondered - why, 50 years later, is the peace symbol still a sign of our times? Where's the peace? One thing I know for sure is that we won't see it in the world until we feel it within ourselves. Human intelligence and ingenuity would have led to the solution by now if peace was something that could be "done." Peace must be, well, be'ed.

Next (I am on a roll) I thought about the song "Let there be Peace on Earth" and listened to several versions that were quickly added to the top of my play list. My favorite is an incredible a capella version by Martin Sexton that I spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to upload in this post with no luck. Instead, here are the lyrics that are now stuck in my head, my mantra, my prayer, my solemn vow :

let there be peace on earth
and let it begin with me

let there be peace on earth
the peace that was meant to be

with God as our father
brothers and sisters are we
let me walk with my brother
in perfect harmony

let peace begin with me
let this be the moment now
with every step I take
let this be my solemn vow
to take each moment
and live each moment
in peace eternally

let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me

I am not endorsing, merely reporting this product, Rescue Remedy, that claims to be "your inner calm, on call." Made of all natural ingredients including various flower essences, it comes in drops that can be added to water or a spray. Created over 60 years ago, the website says it has "centering energy and is now relied upon by people around the world to provide unconditional support during demanding times." What interests me the most is that this type of product is now showing up in magazines such as Harpers Bazaar, which is where I found it. Since my inner calm is available to me (if I choose to access it) at all times, but not shiny minty lips, I am more likely to pick up Cover Girl's new AmazeMint lip gloss than this, but I know that many people receive benefit from holistic remedies and would love to hear from anyone who has tried it.

I am caught up in the holiday rush of cards, parties, gifts, decorating and tree trimming and all the while thinking about this comment left on an earlier post:

"I'd love to hear be U's thoughts on Xmas giving."

Lots of thinking and reflecting on gift giving led me to reducing the idea of giving down to its most basic, constant expression. So here is a question for all of us to ask ourselves - what am I giving to each person I encounter as I move through my day?

What are you giving to your family, your neighbors, friends, co-workers, the person in line with you at the post office, the salesperson ringing up your purchase, the stranger who sits down next to you, the driver of the car on the road with you? Silently or aloud, an exchange is taking place. Does it feel like love or disdain? Compassion or irritability? Respect or resentment? I know for me it is not always the first choice.

There is a practice I try to remember to use when making purchases. As I hand money or a card to the cashier or take a receipt from them, I visualize an exchange of love between us. It's a split second. Nobody else knows it's happening, but I trust that it is making a positive difference somewhere, somehow. This is the practice of being, and it's not glamorous. It is just a micro adjustment in my way of approaching a routine situation that will not bring me applause or admiration, but I'm pretty sure it's the one true measure of a successful life. This kind of giving is happening automatically everyday and it doesn't cost a thing, so why not splurge on the good stuff ? These simple, small invisible gifts have the power to change the world. And if you can let yourself believe that, imagine what it could do for your life.

photo by Jacqueline Veissid

Deepak Chopra has taken a vow for non-violence in his life and is creating a "global movement for peace consciousness." He has a website: i take the vow and you can watch the video to find out more. I appreciate any attempt to put some structure around the intangible concept of "being peace" and anything that helps ground me in a practice of conscious contribution to the world.

be Happy be Thanks be Giving

I've seen this painting Freedom from Want in person at the Norman Rockwell museum in Stockbridge, Massachusettes. It is one in a series of paintings called "The Four Freedoms" that Rockwell created in 1942 based on a speech given by president Franklin D. Roosevelt. In his speech, the president articulated 4 fundamental freedoms that all humans should enjoy: freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom from want and freedom from fear.

Standing among these four large paintings is powerful. The incredibly rendered details illustrate a desire for freedom that is as relevant today as it was 66 years ago. Rockwell's skill is undeniable, yet he is often dismissed as a serious artist because he chose to "paint life the way I would like it to be." Sounds about right to me.

What would it feel like to be free from want? The part of us that is human will always want. It's ok. Don't make it a moral issue. It's the nature of humans. Our being part, however, wants for nothing, is perfectly happy with exactly who and where it is. Tap into that today and everyday. You are a human, being. Embrace it all. be thanks for the smallest details in your life. The attention to, acceptance of and gratitude for what is will set you free.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Life will be

I received this postcard in the mail today from Creativity Explored, a non-profit art studio and gallery in San Fransisco for adults with developmental disabilities. Michael Bernard Loggins (quoted on card) is one of their artists and I love his message. It acknowledges one important tenet of a 'being' mindset - See the Big Picture.

Step way back, increase the angle of your lens on life as much as possible and take comfort in the knowledge that life is, and always will be, moving forward in its perfect cycle of disruption and restoration. The storm always passes, always. And yet, as the great quote says "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." Despite what might be occurring right in front of you, see if you can enjoy the ride on life's ups and downs. As they say in the hospital, when it becomes a flat line it means you're dead. Choose a broader view and release your grip, even just slightly, to feel life move you on its natural current towards relief which leads to hope which leads to peace which leads to joy.

about Creativity Explored:

Some of our artists just turned twenty years old, while others are in their eighties. Some have lived lives of previous isolation or institutionalization, while others have lived their entire lives with their families in a supportive environment. Many of our studio artists speak different languages, or do not speak, and are unable to communicate with each other using spoken language. At Creativity Explored, visual art is language everyone can use to share culture, experience, and feelings.

At Creativity Explored, uncensored self-expression is both encouraged and celebrated. The result is art that is fresh, exciting, and innovative. Our common thread is the basic need to express self

Mission:

Creativity Explored enables adults with developmental disabilities to express themselves artistically in a way that is personally rewarding and appreciated by others. We work to enrich the community by increasing awareness of the value and diversity of artistic expression.

One way to support the mission of Creativity Explored is to purchase original works from their online store. If you appreciate abstract, folk and /or "outsider" art you will enjoy the very reasonably priced selection. I have a thing for art that incorporates words, so have become a fan of John Patrick McKenzie and own one of his pieces that looks a lot like this one:

and I quote...

"All the Bibles, Jesuses, gurus, poets and artists have ever said to people is that this minute is the one that counts; not tomorrow or yesterday.

That's the whole game. There's no other time but the present. Anything else is a waste of time." - John Lennon

my sister sent me one of these great "you are here" t-shirts from worn free

today in yoga class the instructor, YogaJoe, said and asked:

"for five deep breaths just be where you are, not trying to get anywhere in particular...isn't that the more interesting choice?"

from www.live-inspired.com

about be

We just made a few changes to "the be line" website. I held up the process because I could not decide what to write for the "about be" page. I wanted to say so much, but we are determined to keep it simple. My sister, our brilliant graphic designer, always says "simple is difficult" when it comes to design and she is right.

I wanted to say: be is about now, the present moment, the only time we have to really live our lives. While we rehash the past, consciously and unconsciously, or worry about and plan the future, we are overlooking the complete perfection and beauty of our lives.

I wanted to say, be is about how we are each changing the world, in every moment, by who we are being. It is not our grand sweeping outward gestures that have the most influence on the world around us, it is the subtle, silent disposition with which we approach ourselves and others.

be is about how we are human beings, yet we've become so distracted by doing and thinking that we have ignored our most natural state. be is about the part of you that cannot be seen, measured, weighed or evaluated. It's about the real you, the best part - your invisible and infinitely powerful spirit. Yes, that's right, I wanted to use the word SPIRIT for goodness sake.

I wanted to say be is about remembering that everything you have been looking for is already inside of you, just waiting for you to slow down and be still long enough to receive it, it's all here, you can stop knocking yourself out in the superficial, exterior, material world (and then I would have said there's nothing wrong with that world, it's just not where the answers are.)

I thought about saying there actually are no words to explain be. What it means to be does not exist in the realm of intellect or reason where we have become so accustomed to hanging out. Being can only be experienced, felt.

I wanted to say all of that, but instead I chose this. What do you think?

photo: Deb Gorman and her mother, Judy Aydelott, our gorgeous models

Goldie Hawn on her Spiritual Path...

be, the basics | #1

The absolute #1 recommended, do it anywhere, no cost way to come into the present moment is to breathe.

Focus your attention on what it feels like as you breath deeply into your body, hold it for a second or two, and then feel the exhale. Repeat several times.

This easy practice stops whatever thoughts were streaming through your mind and allows you to be for a moment. I am trying to teach my children this...no matter what is happening around you, there is nothing one deep breath can't make better.

So...

I get my photo taken with Martha Stewart and I have to make crazy eyes? Why??? Why did I have to make crazy eyes?!? A slightly better photograph of me from the same event was on Martha's blog here.

Let's face it, I just wanted to post this photo, but the occasion is actually worth mentioning. It was taken at a dinner for the 10th Anniversary of the Native Plant Center at Westchester Community College near where I live. My friend (also in photo) asked me to get involved and I have become so impressed with their mission: to spread the word about the importance of native plants. Who knew?!

I love simple, practical, "that just makes a ton of sense" knowledge such as - when you use plants in your yard that are native to your geography, it has incredible environmental benefits. Native plants require less water, fertilizer, pesticides and general maintenance. They support entire ecosystems including food and habitats for birds, bees, butterflies and other animal life that is native to the area in which you live. Conversely, non-native plants can be invasive and destroy habitats. Understanding this provides one way to live more in harmony with your surroundings and it can be as environmentally important as recycling or attempting to get better gas mileage. Martha practices and promotes the use of native plants, which is why she was given the "Acorn Award" at this event and which she writes about on her blog.

You can go here to find out what plants are native where you live.

photo taken by Thomas V. O'Connell

Radical Political Perspective

I just returned from voting. I took a magazine with me anticipating long lines, but I live in a small town and in NY, not a battleground state, so I was in and out in minutes. Still, as I stepped into the booth I felt a rush; I felt grateful be an American, grateful for the power of democracy. It has been easy to get caught up in the excitement generated during this presidential race. It's easy to be distracted by the emphasis on the historic and critical significance of this election. But I've tried to remain focused on what I know is true -- no matter who becomes the next President of the United States, the quality of my life remains entirely within my own control. The peace, freedom, unity and prosperity I experience, or not, is a reflection of who I am being. I will not give away that control. And I will not hold them responsible for my well being. I will remember that the change I wish to see out in the world is created when I become that change.

I realize this is a big vote for little old me, yet it comes not from a place of apathy or flippant disregard for our federal government. It comes from an intense, deeply rooted desire to make the world a better place and a growing understanding of the only real way that's ever going to happen.

Hump Day Happy

Now is the only time. How we relate to it creates the future. In other words, if we're going to be more cheerful in the future, it's because of our aspiration and exertion to be cheerful in the present. What we do accumulates; the future is the result of what we do right now.

— Pema Chödrön in When Things Fall Apart

Remember not to waste your time expecting happiness to come from other people or circumstances. Happiness is an inside job. Your latte is half empty or it's half full - it's your choice.

I loved the book Eat, Pray, Love so much. Elizabeth Gilbert found a spiritual teacher in Bali and he taught her to imagine her liver smiling. Really. If you are having trouble feeling happy, I promise this technique will work. Pick any internal organ and imagine it with a big smile on its...whatever. It will get you started.

You could also watch the trailer for this new movie "Happy Go Lucky," it's infectious.
(I found out about this movie from my sister, one of the happiest people I know)

R I P : HotWheels Henshaw 2005-2008

Our goldfish died. We started out 3 years ago with two little goldfish. One died quickly, but HotWheels lived a long and happy life.

I was the one who made sure he had a clean tank, but the boys were good about feeding HotWheels almost regularly. He stayed in their room, and they always included him when doing a family count - there were 10 of us (Mom, Dad, 2 boys, 4 hermit crabs, 1 dog and 1 fish.) So I was surprised when, as I was scooping him out of the tank, they asked with excitement "can we get a Chinese fighting fish?" No tears, no sadness, they were already thinking about what was next.

I put the little cup with HotWheels in it outside the house with the plan to hold a short burial ritual so my children could experience the proper way to show respect and gratitude for all creatures great and small. And then, um, I forgot about him.

A few days ago I pulled into the driveway and immediately smelled the worst smell I have ever smelled. Foul. Ross was stacking wood, knocked over the cup, and our dog pounced on and ate poor, decomposing HotWheels. The stench lasted for hours. We were gagging and the kids were happily telling anyone who would listen that our dog ate our dead fish.

Maybe kids and dogs are closer to the truth - what we regard as upsetting and traumatic, they understand as a natural progression of life. What was left of HotWheels wasn't really him. To his spirit, wherever it may be, I say "thank you for the joy you brought while you were here" and "jeez, I'm so sorry about the dog thing..."

Days With My Father, A Photo Essay

every once in a while you come across something so moving, soulful and well-done there's not much that needs to be said about it.

love your body ? ? ?

The NOW (National Organization for Women) Foundation held "Love Your Body Day" on October 15th. They set out to counter unhealthy and unrealistic beauty standards fostered by media and advertising with a simple message to us: love your body. I found out about it a few days late, but is it really ever too late to love your body? I hope not. I'm 40 years old and it is still one of my goals. I am much more likely to focus my unfavorable attention on the body part that hangs over the top of my jeans than I am to lavish praise on the parts that grew and gave birth to 2 healthy babies, get out of bed every day and heal easily from any illness and injury that come their way.

The "love your body day" website has examples of offensive ads as well as positive ads including this one (above) from Dove. (Truly, has there ever been a more brilliant marketing campaign than their Campaign for Real Beauty?) They also held a poster contest and the grand prize winner was this one by Whitney Calvert. The measuring tape asks "What's the measure of a woman?"

My friend and business partner, Jennifer, organized an event at our local library using a program from Mind on the Media called "Turn Beauty Inside Out." We invited pre-teen girls and their moms and used the be line's message of focusing on what's inside to facilitate a conversation about how they define beauty. The girls created a life sized representation of themselves by collaging words and images to create an empowered, personal vision of what defines them, makes them unique, important and beautiful.

I loved using the be brand as a launching point for a conversation that I think is the most important conversation anyone can have with themselves or others, one that goes -- "I am SO much more, worlds beyond, what you can see by looking at this body. Knowing and allowing this divine, specific, natural expression of me is what I came here to do, and ONLY I can do it. As the dancer Martha Graham has famously said "it is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open."

Our bodies are important, no doubt, and loving them will become possible when we can also see beyond them, the big picture of what we look like. Then the question will be "What's not to love?"

source for Love Your Body Day Story: BlogHer

new site: GOOP

I am a fan of Gwyneth Paltrow. I love her style, admire her talent as an actress and get the sense that she is a cool person and a great mom. So I was excited when I found out that she is launching a new website www.GOOP.com and even more interested when I saw the tag line "Nourish the Inner Aspect." And especially intrigued when I saw this -->

as one of the content sections of the site in addition to SEE, MAKE, GO, GET and DO. A note from Gwyneth says:

"Over the years I have tried lots of different things. I have made lots of mistakes. But I have figured lots of things out in the process and I would like to share them with you. Wether you want a good place to eat in London, some advice on where to stay in Austin, the recipe I made up this week or some thoughts from one of my sages, GOOP is a little bit of everything that makes up my life."

There's not much on the website yet, I don't think it has officially launched, but you can sign up for the newsletter. I did and already received an email with a collection of essays from thought leaders across spiritual and religious disciplines. It was interesting and I'm looking forward to more. Hopefully it will be some good goop.

the Ocean Blue...

Two things happened yesterday that caught my attention in a way that felt like a certain tone in the Universe's voice. One that sounds like "yes, we have eternity and all, but it would sure be nice if you started taking the hint now..."

#1 I was in Julianne's yoga class (love her) and she reminded us to keep our feet grounded just enough for stability, while the rest of our body opened, released and expanded - just one of the many ways practicing yoga is a beautiful metaphor for living life. She said "liberate your movement" and I wondered, once again, how she knew exactly what I needed to hear.

#2 I pulled a little book out of my son's backpack and read the cover which said "Christopher Columbus was an explorer. He went to places that were new to him."

I want that, I thought - I want to go to places that are new to me. I wasn't thinking about sailing anywhere (I get seasick) but becoming more. More of who I am. I don't know exactly what that is, but I know I'm holding back. This is especially true when it comes to building the be line. There is a big discrepancy between what I know it has the potential to become and what I want it to be vs. where it is. I've been in my comfort zone, but now that little voice is getting more persistent..."become more...grow, do what you came here to do...stop worrying about falling...keep yourself grounded just enough for stability and then let yourself open, release and expand." I don't know where I'm headed, but Christopher Columbus didn't expect to find San Salvador.

This happens to all of us - we grow, then plateau, then grow some more. I've come to realize that this is never going to end, and that's a good thing. We are not meant to figure everything out so that we can stop and relax once and for all. One lesson of "being" is to relax into the knowledge that we are, in every moment, experiencing, clarifying, choosing, adjusting, focusing, receiving and, here's the tricky part, enjoying the ride. We are all explorers - we're discovering who we really are.

Old friend, New blog

Last year I re-connected with my friend Laurie, with whom I was pretty much joined at the hip for most of my 20's. I love this photograph of her holding a birthday cake she made for me because it really shows her personality - fun, thoughtful and full of good energy. Now Laurie is married, lives outside of Boston, is also a mom of 2 young boys and works for a great children's book publishing company called Barefoot Books. She recently created a blog to chronicle her experience in these areas called "Rocks in the Dryer." Laurie's writing is uniquely thoughtful, funny, and always from the heart. Her recent post titled "Letting Go" is about teaching her youngest son to ride a bike, and what she learned from herself, her deepest self, in the process. Here it is:

As if this week wasn’t “big” enough, what with back to school and the start of kindergarten, I decided to teach Christian to ride his bike.

The opportunity presented itself in the form of a super cool hand-me-down bike, neither of us could resist. Christian is one month away from being 4 and while he is rather physically inclined - I figured this would take a while.

I wrapped him in my special “learn to ride a bike contraption” (two ribbon belts connected and wrapped under the arms, connected in the back/ center of shoulder blades) and he was ready to go. I ran beside him, just as I did his brother, though Davis was 4.5 when we attempted this. I run beside and hold the belt contraption thing so that I am slightly supporting his body, but not him, not the bike.

Problem 1 - I was wearing flip flops

Problem 2 - He was going way to fast

I found myself (sweating and stressing) scream-begging him to slow down. Seriously, I couldn’t run fast enough to keep up with him. Slow Down, Slow Down, This is Serious!, There is danger, Danger, Danger!! - Watch out! Too Fast, we have to wait for daddy to get home, he can run faster . . . stop laughing this is SERIOUS, you could get hurt - blah blah blah. It was all of my fear, deep and true to the core - I was scared to death. He was elated. Underneath my pathetic, irrational fear a little voice began to speak to me. This voice calmly began, quiet and nurturing at first, then strong and confident. “Let go”. “Let Go, you have to let go.”

Tears sprang and burned. The answer came from within, when I quieted enough to listen to it, so amazing.

Though I didn’t want to, I had many excuses why I shouldn’t . . .I did it. I stopped my imbecile running and let go. He rode, and rode and laughed and squealed with such joy and raw, true joy. One more moment, flash, sensation that simply will never be felt in my life again. Gone. Moment. Precious. Fleeting. It was pure joy, pure fear, pure love, pride, past and future, loss and gain.

He turned pro in about 15 minutes.

We rode to Montessori School the next day (4 miles on a town path).

What else can be said on the subject, I am proud of us both.

An Invitation from Deepak Chopra


Many people have asked me how they might more actively participate in the creation of a critical mass of consciousness. I always find the words of Mahatma Gandhi so helpful, when he said "You must be the change you want to see in the world."

If you want to "be the change" in your community, you might begin by hosting meetings to talk about how you can create A New Humanity through personal and social transformation. Interested individuals can agree to meet once or twice a month to share a common vision and achieve agreed goals. The meetings can be a few friends in your living room or a larger group at any gathering place such as a local church, center or bookstore. Clubs and organizations can ask their members, yoga teachers can ask their students.

I will provide suggested topics and worksheets on the Alliance for a New Humanity's website to help facilitate the conversations. Your meetings and contact information will be listed in a Directory on the website and in the coming months, activities initiated by these meetings all over the world will be reported to encourage others. Together we can make it happen. Thank you for being a part of this global effort.

Love,

Deepak


Deepak Chopra, President and CEO
The Alliance for a New Humanity

for further information contact: howtobethechange@aol.com

Inspired by a life : Paul Newman

There is a lot to admire about Paul Newman's life. I am a big fan of his, yet I probably could only tell you one or two films he was in. I know very little about his career as an actor.

When I started the be line, I read a book called Shameless Exploitation in Pursuit of the Common Good written by Paul Newman and his business partner A. E. Hotchner. It tells the story of Newman's Own, the first company to sell natural foods in supermarkets and donate all profits to charity. (Most notably he used some of those profits to create "The Hole in the Wall Gang" camp which grew to be the world's largest family of camps for children with serious illnesses.) The book is a funny, easy read about how it all got started and how they overcame obstacles to achieve what is an incredibly successful food business. As an entrepreneur, it was encouraging to find out that even Paul Newman had difficulty navigating the world of manufacturing and distribution. They "systematically disregarded the advice of experts and relied instead on instinct and imagination." Through much trial and error, they create the business in a unique, unconventional style they call "non-management." They are often quoted as saying "There are three rules for running a business; fortunately, we don't know any of them." It was refreshing and the most inspiring business book I've read.

The fact that he was married to Joanne Woodward for 50 years and that they lived, not in Hollywood, but in the same house in Westport, CT also makes me a fan. It suggests a life of contentment, commitment, enjoying who and where you are, but not boredom. He was racing cars, acting, directing, playing practical jokes and I'm sure a lot more of what made him who he is until the end of his life. On a semi-recent episode of Iconoclasts, he told Robert Redford that his birthday gift to Joanne that year was 2 hours of driving around streets of Westport that they had not yet seen. It doesn't get more tender than that. Thank you for the inspiration Paul, and your ridiculous good looks didn't hurt either.

Sweet Freedom

Today I was enjoying a typically agile conversation with my 6 year old son (in photo), one that moved swiftly from the topic of Halloween cookies, to icing, to food coloring, to the 4th of July to him asking me..."do we have freedom?" I jumped on this opportunity immediately, stopping what I was doing to look him in the eye and say "yes, we live in a country where we have freedom which is a great thing, but you are also free, in every moment, to make choices that you know are right for you..." I was just getting rolling when he interrupted me to say that wrestlers can take whole handfuls of peanuts and crush them into tiny pieces....(what?????)....I tried to keep the momentum of my speech, but he had moved on. I wanted so badly to tell him, to have him know, that he is free always, to be himself, to choose his own path, to change direction if necessary, to interpret life in a way that will add to, not detract from the world, but I was stopped short. This happens often. I am reminded not to take myself so seriously, and to trust that a seed has been planted. Better yet, that it is my choices, the living of my own life in freedom, that will teach more than any speeches I can make. So we both moved on, freely.

growing up

The quote, "If you think you're enlightened, try spending a week with your family" by Ram Dass has always made me laugh. I find it funny in that way that things are funny when they're so darn true.

I moved from my hometown of Knoxville, TN to Boston when I was 23 and I've never moved back. My sister moved to the West Coast and my brother to Florida, so we are now on opposite ends of the country. My parents divorced soon after I moved, but both still live in Knoxville. My mother is still living in the same house in which we grew up.

I had a wonderful childhood. I had, and have, attentive parents devoted to the well being of their children. My brother, sister and I are very close and travel around to be with each other as much as possible. And still, for years, a trip back home could cause my worst qualities, the ones I had worked hard to rise above, to come right back to the surface. Selfishness, manipulation, the suppression of emotion, stunted communication...I'd feel it coming on and want to flee back to the new world I had created, where I was free to be the better version of myself. The distance made it easy for me to escape the discomfort, but some part of me knew that life would make sure I dealt with it one way or another. Recognizing that our family provides the clearest mirror of our areas for emotional and spiritual growth is confronting, but can be useful. I didn't need therapy, just a commitment to being genuine and open, as opposed to coming from the conditioned reactions of a bratty teenage girl when with my family. So that is what I've been chipping away at for the last decade or so.

I was just in Knoxville to celebrate my Dad's 70th birthday. My brother and my sister and I, no spouses or children, home together again. The first night we all slept at my mothers house, each of us in our childhood bedrooms. That night, before falling asleep, I waited to feel any old unwanted patterns of feeling creeping in, but I only felt happy. And grown up.

photo of us with my dad at his 70th birthday party

Have a Happy Weekend

every object, every being is a jar full of delight. -Rumi


photo from nectar and light

love

I read this quote recently by Jack Johnson:

"it's not about who you love, it's all about - do you love?"

and thought it was great.

I really like Jack Johnson's music, and he's a really cute surfer from Hawaii, and he's setting a great example for environmental practices within the music industry AND he says things like that?!

All dreaminess aside, I thought about his quote all day long and how true it is. Then, while brushing my teeth that night, this thought occurred to me:

Not only that, Jack, it's also about - do you remember you are love??

the tao of horses

Napoleon and Lorenzo at Parsons Field. Photo by Daniele DeBellis

I was so excited when my friend Alexa wrote this for be U:

I have loved horses for as long as I can remember and was recently intrigued to find so many parallels between the premise of the horse psychology books I have been reading and the direction of my inspirational friend Leslie's writings at the University of Be.

Horses offer us the possibility to interact with a live, breathing, challenging mirror that will highlight our true feelings in any given situation. Just as we may choose avatars in the virtual world with characteristics that we feel represent us, horses that we interact with in the 3D world draw our attention to our strengths and weaknesses both in and out of the saddle. By asking us to be present and emotionally congruent from moment to moment we find that we have to be true to ourselves and to what we are feeling at any given time.

At present I'm reading Linda Kohanov's books (www.taoofequus.com) but before going to Arizona for one of her workshops, I decided to try one a little closer to home. I found one in Pennsylvania that offered the chance to work with horses on the ground and with a group. The prospectus said that the pairing of horses and humans results in discoveries about unconscious aspects of one's true self. It also claimed that working with horses can help develop a spiritual awareness as to how we are all inter-related in the universe.

While in Pennsylvania I experienced something I had only previously read about. My room mate was a lovely woman who immediately made an impression upon me as warm, sensitive and funny. Her sense of humor really drew me to her. Underneath that however I felt a sadness in her and she shared with me that her mother had recently passed away. That night, asleep in an unfamiliar dormitory room I dreamt that there was a small bed at the foot of her bed with a tiny, frail, elderly woman asleep in it. When I told my room mate about my dream the next morning she felt that it was her mother, wanting to be close to her.

The next morning we were asked to stand in a circle while three horses moved in and around us. For some, like my room mate, who were not used to horses this was a somewhat intimidating experience. Combined with her feelings of grief about her mother and her feelings of vulnerability around the horses she became upset and withdrew from the circle. The oldest horse moved over towards her and in a protective gesture, stood right in front of her, shielding her from the rest of us and allowed her to grieve privately, while providing a safe and accepting place for her to do so. Her anxiety about the horse disappeared and they stood there for about half an hour silently communicating.

That horse allowed my friend to 'be'. His quiet, steady, non judgemental presence allowed her to drop her defences and just be with her feelings of sadness. He singled her out from a group of fifteen people as someone who needed an accepting mirror and he allowed her to experience herself in a non judgemental way. He let her be true to herself.

About Evolution

Some very exciting conversations are being facilitated by the people at EnlightenNext.com. This is the latest thinking and research coming from the team at "What is Enlightenment?" magazine. Here's what it says on the website:

EnlightenNext is not just an organization . . . it’s a state of consciousness.

It’s what happens when the freedom, joy, and liberating clarity of spiritual enlightenment comes together with a passionate sense of responsibility for evolution, for what’s next.

I signed up as an "evolutionary" and have been learning a lot by listening to the weekly call series and interviews with thought leaders in the areas of science, religion, spirituality, spiral dynamics and integral philosophy in an effort to understand the evolution of consciousness - what that means and how to understand it in the context of history and the future. It's a lot to take in and can get kind of complicated and confusing, so it was great when they sent out this video from the Onion as a spoof on the topic of evolution. It's called "Should Americans Return to a Simpler, Stone Age Lifestyle?" It's only 1.5 minutes and it's hilarious...Click here to watch

Summertime, and the being is easy

I'm at the beach in Rhode Island with my family this week. I don't have much to write because I'm too busy enjoying being here, now (that is so much easier when you're on vacation!) I will share this quote from a great Martha Beck article I read in the September issue of O magazine while sitting in my beach chair:

"You need to drop the perceptual lens that says, 'Impressing others will make me happy.' A joyful life isn't about others; it's about the brightness that is associated with being alive. Your path to it is through anything that replaces thinking with pure flight, pure joy."

I experienced pure joy while taking a walk on the beach with my two sons yesterday. In between finding stones and crab skeletons in the sand, they eagerly held my hands, one each, and skipped down the beach. At 6 & 7 years old, I don't now how many more times that is going to happen, so I felt the joy of every second of it.

Here's to your pure joy.

the fight - follow up

I wrote (below) about a recent fight with my husband, and my attempt to participate as a responsible, emotionally mature, somewhat evolved wife. I felt so good about the wise perspective I went to bed with that I couldn't believe the next morning when I woke up to more thoughts justifying my position and all about why he had been wrong, wrong, wrong. I was, however, at least aware that these thoughts were not going to serve the situation or my marriage in any positive way, so I took no action. This was easy since my husband was up and at work early and I didn't actually have to see or speak with him. I simply let those thoughts be and noticed when my tendency for passive aggressiveness crept in (I'll be gone when he gets home from work without letting him know where I am, that'll show him...) and instead sent a direct, but respectful text message letting him know where I was going.

This approach was not hard and it gave me the space to move past my need to be right so that by the time I did see and speak to Ross (that's him) we both represented our sides of the argument, and once we both felt "heard" the whole thing seemed to fade away easily. It felt good, and almost too easy. I've noticed this about the be lifestyle - there's no drama. It's not about screaming, accusing or insulting. It's not even sentimental. It just is. In this case, it's just two people getting their buttons pushed and then reluctantly taking responsibility for themselves in an effort to feel the love again.

the be pledge

i will do less, be more

i will be and let be

i will be who i am

i will become what i want

i will begin inside

It comes down to me, and be

A great weekend ended in a not so great way. My husband and I could not see eye to eye, we were pushing each other's buttons and no amount of rational discussion or heated argument seemed to make it any better. I hate it when that happens. Everything feels off and leaves me unsettled. He went to bed without a "goodnight" and I'm hanging out with my residual anger thinking of all the reasons I'm right and he's wrong. Remember how Carol and Mike Brady never went to bed mad at each other? They made it look so easy.

There's a part of me that wants to make a list, right now, of all the reasons why my husband was wrong and should feel very badly about it so that I can defend my position again some more tomorrow. And then there's the part of me that strives to take the high road and asks myself "what would be say?" That's right, that's right, I athropomorphize be and look to it for wisdom. Anyway, I think be would say:

-Your need to be right will not resolve any issue. Give it some space. Do not, in the heat of the moment, say anything that will take a chink out the foundation of your relationship.

-Make your relationship more important that the desire to justify your position. This is an opportunity for the relationship to grow and become stronger

-There is something at the root of this that is the real issue, and it's not what your arguing about. Do not resist it. Stay present and you will see more clearly what is really happening.

-Try to see the situation from his point of view. Try a little compassion. Explain your perspective without making him wrong.

-MOST OF ALL, be responsible for yourself. That is the only thing in this (or any) situation that leads to a long term positive outcome. Everything you want to say to him is actually something you're feeling about yourself. (Confronting, but true). Look inside yourself. Be the change you want to see in your relationship...be love, be patience, be tolerant, be accepting, be authentic, be devotion, be respect. Remember who you really are, take action from there.

Stupid high road. It seems so much easier to be passive-agressive, but I'm going to give it a try. I do believe, to the core of who I am, that nothing outside of me can change until I change myself. And, for the most part, that does not mean major changes, but constant, internal micro adjustments every day.

But for now, the ease of sleep. Goodnight to me.

Participate in Peace

This book is on my beside table in a stack of other books that I want to read sometime soon.

Until then, I was excited to sign up for the Peace Intention Experiment that will be conducted by Lynne McTaggart on September 14th. For those of you, like me, who believe that prayer, intention and thought are invisible but powerful forces in the world, it's a chance to try and prove it.

The website says:

September 14, 2008 will see the first in a series of Peace Intention Experiments testing the power of group intention to lower violence in areas around the world.

This could be the largest scientific study in history, with hundreds of thousands of participants sending an intention for peace under highly controlled scientific conditions.

Lynne McTaggart, author of The Intention Experiment, has assembled a scientific advisory body of leaders in consciousness research, to devise a strict protocol and measure violence levels before and after the intention is sent to see if there is any effect.

Imagine thousands of us intending peace at the same time. We are not going to be taking any action, just consciously being a certain way at a certain time, together. And the magnitude of that focused intention may alleviate violence around the world. Even if you're skeptical, isn't it worth trying?

Inspired by a life: Josef and Anni Albers

She was a textile designer, weaver and printer known for her vision of seeing and promoting fabrics as an art form. He was a printmaker, designer, photographer and color theorist best known for his abstract painting and the series Homage to the Square. They met and married while students at the Bauhaus school in Germany. They traveled extensively together and were both writers, passionate teachers, and pioneers of Twentieth Century modernism. They lived in New Haven, CT where he was the head of the Department of Design at Yale, lived out the rest of their lives there together and established a foundation that is very active in both outreach and education.

Her wise words:

"Students worry about choosing their way. I tell them, 'you can go anywhere from anywhere.'"

His wise words:

"Easy - to know that diamonds--are precious,
good - to know that rubies--have depth,
but more - to see that pebbles--are miraculous."

You can read much more about them here.

Aurora Lopez Mejia Jewelry

That last post reminded me of a Native American poem that I memorized when I was in my 20's. I thought then, and still do, that is is one of the most gorgeous images I've ever read...

All the warm nights
sleep in moonlight

keep letting it
go into you

do this all your life

do this
you will shine outward
in old age

the moon will think
you are
the moon

Stargazing

Some of the holiest moments of my life have occurred while staring into a starry sky at night. Gazing upward and taking in the endless existence of galaxies and the magical beauty of stars visible against the darkness brings me into a state of reverence like nothing else can. I don't take the time to do it enough, but I'm determined to change that.

I'm feeling a renewed passion for the majesty of the night sky after reading about IDA - the International Dark Sky Association. It turns out that all of the artificial lighting we use for everything from parking garages and highways to the fixtures on our homes contributes to light pollution (who knew?) which is defined by IDA as "any adverse effect of artificial light, including sky glow, glare, light trespass, light clutter and decreased visibility at night." (You can read much more about these issues on their website.) About two-thirds of the world's population, including almost everyone in the continental U.S. and Europe, no longer see a starry sky where they live, according to a recent Wall Street Journal article. This is tragic not just for romantics like me, but for the professionals. Scientists and astronomer's ability to study and observe the sky is greatly impacted, even with their high tech equipment.

It was interesting to read about the need for specified periods of dark and light, our circadian rhythms, that all of life requires for good health. Exposing ourselves or other species to artificial light can interrupt any natural ecological system. The most practical way for homeowners to reduce light pollution is to know about and use "sky friendly lighting" definted as "outdoor light at night used only when and where it is needed and at appropriate levels. Use fully shielded, light efficient fixtures aimed directly at the ground. And incorporate timers and sensors to shut off lights when not needed." The IDA works with lighting manufacturers and even has a seal of approval to help consumers recognize fixtures that will not contribute to the problem.

Want to join me in becoming a dark sky advocate? There's lots more info here. And go here for the Wall Street Journal article.

image from vol25's etsy shop

I've got a thing for hearts...

so I would like this pillow even if it didn't have a "sophisticated micro-computer that sends out soothing vibrations timed to a heart in deep meditation for a peaceful and relaxing experience that makes you more in tune with your own beating heart." I saw these in the Uncommon Goods catalog. They are designed by artist Yury Gitman who says "so rarely does our culture ask us to stop, pause and reflect. We use our talents to create a world of distractions and diversions for ourselves. I challenged myself to make something hi-tech and cool that calms people down and even encourages us to be more aware of our surroundings and ourselves."

It's called "my beating heart" and here's their website.