It has not been the best day. I've been kind of down, moving in slow motion, not motivated to do much of anything, but have lots of stuff on my to do list, and feeling guilty for not doing it. Fun.
An opportunity I was really excited about didn't work out and I've allowed disappointment to seep into my day. I could justify the heck out of how great my life is anyway, but I'm too blue to try. Self pity is oddly satisfying sometimes.
On days like this I am confronted by my limitations regarding being. It's easy to be in the moment, enjoying "what is," when "what is" is going my way. I have to remember that it is my choice to focus on my negativity and what's causing it, or to let it go and just be. The good news is, we all have a metaphoric be muscle, and the more we flex it, the more easily and quickly we'll move from self pity into self awareness. And the bigger the be muscle, the lower the tolerance for hanging out in that wimpy dugout of self pity. In fact, feeling sorry for myself has gotten old, I'm boring myself, so it's time to move on and flex.
I'm only able to override my mood and suspend my negative thoughts for brief moments, but that's all it takes to catch glimpses of the feeling of being. It feels like relief, happiness and freedom. It feels like everything on every to do list getting done easily, and in perfect timing. It doesn't recognize the concept of missed opportunities, only the steady stream of new doors opening. My blue feelings aren't completely gone, but they have been interrupted long enough for me to remember that I have options and I'm free to be anytime, anywhere.
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