I wrote (below) about a recent fight with my husband, and my attempt to participate as a responsible, emotionally mature, somewhat evolved wife. I felt so good about the wise perspective I went to bed with that I couldn't believe the next morning when I woke up to more thoughts justifying my position and all about why he had been wrong, wrong, wrong. I was, however, at least aware that these thoughts were not going to serve the situation or my marriage in any positive way, so I took no action. This was easy since my husband was up and at work early and I didn't actually have to see or speak with him. I simply let those thoughts be and noticed when my tendency for passive aggressiveness crept in (I'll be gone when he gets home from work without letting him know where I am, that'll show him...) and instead sent a direct, but respectful text message letting him know where I was going.
This approach was not hard and it gave me the space to move past my need to be right so that by the time I did see and speak to Ross (that's him) we both represented our sides of the argument, and once we both felt "heard" the whole thing seemed to fade away easily. It felt good, and almost too easy. I've noticed this about the be lifestyle - there's no drama. It's not about screaming, accusing or insulting. It's not even sentimental. It just is. In this case, it's just two people getting their buttons pushed and then reluctantly taking responsibility for themselves in an effort to feel the love again.
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