It comes down to me, and be

A great weekend ended in a not so great way. My husband and I could not see eye to eye, we were pushing each other's buttons and no amount of rational discussion or heated argument seemed to make it any better. I hate it when that happens. Everything feels off and leaves me unsettled. He went to bed without a "goodnight" and I'm hanging out with my residual anger thinking of all the reasons I'm right and he's wrong. Remember how Carol and Mike Brady never went to bed mad at each other? They made it look so easy.

There's a part of me that wants to make a list, right now, of all the reasons why my husband was wrong and should feel very badly about it so that I can defend my position again some more tomorrow. And then there's the part of me that strives to take the high road and asks myself "what would be say?" That's right, that's right, I athropomorphize be and look to it for wisdom. Anyway, I think be would say:

-Your need to be right will not resolve any issue. Give it some space. Do not, in the heat of the moment, say anything that will take a chink out the foundation of your relationship.

-Make your relationship more important that the desire to justify your position. This is an opportunity for the relationship to grow and become stronger

-There is something at the root of this that is the real issue, and it's not what your arguing about. Do not resist it. Stay present and you will see more clearly what is really happening.

-Try to see the situation from his point of view. Try a little compassion. Explain your perspective without making him wrong.

-MOST OF ALL, be responsible for yourself. That is the only thing in this (or any) situation that leads to a long term positive outcome. Everything you want to say to him is actually something you're feeling about yourself. (Confronting, but true). Look inside yourself. Be the change you want to see in your relationship...be love, be patience, be tolerant, be accepting, be authentic, be devotion, be respect. Remember who you really are, take action from there.

Stupid high road. It seems so much easier to be passive-agressive, but I'm going to give it a try. I do believe, to the core of who I am, that nothing outside of me can change until I change myself. And, for the most part, that does not mean major changes, but constant, internal micro adjustments every day.

But for now, the ease of sleep. Goodnight to me.